In which I love even the most irritating mall

            I’m feeling nostalgia now for things that I have not left, a feeling I don’t like, because it means part of me is already gone, not present. Even in the mall in Semarang, a gleaming noisy place full of expensive shops and over-priced, for Indonesia, food, I look around with a wistfulness and affection that can easily overpower me. I hate that mall, and still I am missing it in the midst of my consumer animus. I drive the road from Semarang, between the kilometer-long bamboo huts selling woks (some tiny, some big enough to stir-fry a large toddler, whole) and I miss it already. How strange, this feeling, to miss in advance what you still have. It’s like that unpleasant sensation of worrying about the death of a loved one who is with you, and still healthy. Only we have to go in three weeks, on June 13, the date a bureaucratic arbitrary that makes staying in the country longer an impossibility.

            In the meantime, it’s finals week at the school now, for Seamus at least. I don’t want to write about this, because it is not pleasant. So I will not.

            Mount Merbabu – Gunung Merbabu – has been out in sharp relief this week, above the city, green and present. It’s huge, a presence more commanding than any of the mountains in Bozeman, and it slowly accumulates clouds over the course of a day, as the sky becomes overcast, though less inevitably now as we slip out of the rainy season.

            After we dropped Michael off at the airport today, Graham and I went to the Central Java Museum, which is the sort of museum you could only love if you’d live in Central Java for a while. We were followed around by a group of girls – probably about 12 – in full headdresses. They were trying to covertly take our picture with their cellphones. One time one of the girls hid behind a display and poked her phone around the corner to click a shot of us. They would wander around casually at the displays where we were and pretend to be interested in them, and set up a shot with their friends in the picture, and then turn the camera to us and quickly click. When I could, I suddenly posed, smiling, and they shuffled away, giggling nervously.  This is something that is simultaneously ridiculous  (“Why do they want to take our picture?” Michael asked me on a crowded beach in South Java, as we were hoarded by crowds of people doing their characteristic posing hand signals, perplexed that it was, simply, because we are white), irritating (one time, in the Java Man museum, another hilarious museum with about five buildings, one third of one of which has some replicas of artifacts that have been shipped elsewhere, Laura and Seamus had their breakdown, because it was literally impossible to move without a crowd of school children jostling to get a picture), and extremely charming. It’s hard for me to get mad about it, because for some reason, bules here can, in certain places, set off a flurry of excitement.

            I can’t see past the end of this trip right now (trip? That doesn’t seem like the right word), even though there are things in the United States looming, demanding my attention, popping up on my emails, reminders that people and institutions there know I am returning, that I in fact exist in that universe even so. When we left the United States, I remember feeling a sense of awe that we would be gone so long. “I won’t see this bench for a year,” I would say to myself. I was enthralled by that feeling, but not sad, not worried, not upset about it. But this is different. I am such an outsider here, the kind of freak that gets mobbed by fifth grade girls in headdresses only because my skin is a certain color. I mangle the language every time I open my mouth, and I cannot understand most of what people say to me. I get lost every time I leave Salatiga. I don’t understand Islam, and I haven’t even made the barest of dents in the Javanese language, which is what people really speak around here. It’s not my place, this country. I’ve seen about 1/20 of the country. I don’t belong here. I don’t understand it. I know next to nothing about it.  So how can it be that leaving it fills me with a sadness deeper than the sadness I felt when I left the home I love, the home I hope I never have to move permanently from, the home I am, on another level, incredibly excited to see again?

            When I am home, and sitting at a traffic light, and I am not surrounded by hordes of motorcycles jostling for position, filling in every space they can find, when none of those motorcycles have a family of four on them, the man driving and smoking with his two year old standing in front, hands relaxed on the handlebars – when I do not hear the fifteen dissynchronous call to prayers five times a day – when I go to a hotel, and everything works – when I fill up my car and it costs me more than my maid makes in a month – when there is a “no smoking” sign, and no one is smoking - this country will flood my brain, live in it in a way I could never have predicted.

            I hope I can write about something else besides this incipient sense of loss in the next three weeks. Perhaps that will be my task, to remember where I am even still, and love it the way I have learned to love it in the last several months.

Javenese road trip

So Michael came to Indonesia, and we are on the road trip now my kids won't let us take, who knows where we're going or where we'll stay or what we'll eat or if we'll find that thing we really wanted to see. Without planning it, we have found ourselves wading up to our chests in an underground river deep into a mountain, drinking shooters of cobra blood mixed with honey,sipping arak with some street kids in Yogya, making u-turn after u-turn ("that was where you were supposed to turn, dude"). We've zipped around the back roads of Yogyakarta and Central Java. The tour guide at Prambadan, who speaks 6 languages (he launched into French with some stray tourists during our visit) danced his way through the Ramayana story as we stood on a 1000 yr old hindu temple to Brahma. It was a 20 minute narrative, beautiful and funny and graceful. We watched a shadow puppet performance, which Michael thought needed a little more action. We sat in the living room of a puppet maker in rural Yogya while he tried to sell us a complete antique set of wayang kulit puppets and the giant wooden box they go in, and I really really wanted them.

When we first arrived in this country, we couldn't move. We couldn't function, we could barely eat, doing anything took a kind of energy and commitment that was exhausting. So when my parents came, and now Michael, our ability to maneuver around easily and get to places they never would have seen without us has been really fun, and to have people at home who we can share Indonesian memories with when we return will be wonderful too.

I can't think too hard about returning. I get very sad, though I miss so much about Bozeman. I love it here. Yesterday I got an article rejected from a journal in my field, and I felt that gnawing professional anxiety that I haven't felt for a year, and I had to check myself. I hope that some of the things that have lifted from us here, we can keep off our backs when we return. And I hope more than anything that before too long I have a chance to maneuver a car through the cultural wonder that is Indonesian traffic flow. It's almost as fun as climbing the ridge at Bridger.

And the panic sets in...

I am so predictable.

After nine pretty solid months of whining and complaining (I miss Bozeman I don’t have any friends I don’t have anything to do I’m sick of constant diarrhea Indonesian food all tastes the same my house is too big Bahasa is too hard it is hot there are bugs I can’t stand the rain I hate my landlady and why can’t Indonesians make an electric converter that doesn’t shock you every time you plug it in, etc. etc.) it finally dawned on me that we are leaving this place in less than a month. Less than a month. And the place that I have said time and time again is not my place, surely not my home, well the thought of leaving that very place fills me with a deep sadness.

Is it the leaving here or returning there that causes the heart to race? I’m not sure. Perhaps a combination of both. I have looked forward to this trip for such a long time. And it has so quickly come to an end. To share this year with my family has been an incredible gift. We have enjoyed each other in ways that could never have come about if it were not for this bizarre, random opportunity. I know that once we get back and camp starts and school starts and the kids see their friends that both Seamus and Graham, but particularly Seamus, that their gaze will turn outward again. And that is OK. That is how it should be. But I have so loved the starring role that our family unit has enjoyed in our own production this year.

And of course missing from my romantic longings for Bozeman all year have been all of the things that drive me crazy about it -- the lack of diversity, the sameness of it all, the goofy politics, funding cuts, annoying neighbors, committee meetings and never ending spring. All of those things, I have not missed. And when I cry over home, it is usually a sunny afternoon in my garden that I am imagining, not the $6 head of lettuce at the Farmer Market or the grant application that is due or my driveway getting plowed in.

But it is the leaving too. It is this place. It is Indonesia that I will miss. It is the wildness of it. Even in the civilized parts. The complete lack of order that some days seems more than just natural, it seems like the way it should be. It is the jungle and the mountains and the crashing waves. It is the idea of saying goodbye to friends, some of whom I truthfully may never see again. Ibu Kasum whose friendship and service have made such an enormous difference in our experience here. Ibu Viva, the hard drinking, chain smoking, pork eating, devout Muslim whose generosity knows no bounds, and trust me, Seamus and Graham have tested this one. Mas Yohannes, the registrar from Mountainview whose sensibility is so perfectly Western and totally Javanese at the same time. These are friends. But even more, I think I will miss people like Pak Smiley, the man who does maintenance on our house and laughs ALL the time. Pak Heni and Ibu Nina, the security guards at the kid’s school. Ibu Widi, the grocery delivery woman. Total chance encounters, but people who have graced our lives with kindness and generosity. And when we go, we will be replaced by another bule family and we may all blur in their memory but they will forever be etched in ours.

Last week, I had a really bad day. I can’t remember what the problem was but it was some goofy, totally typical Indonesian thing that sent me over the edge. Kirk agreed to give me a ride to town but we had to get petrol first. When we got to the warung, I got off the motorcycle and was waiting for him when Ibu Yani, the proprietor who has always unnerved me by her unwillingness to be satisfied with my lame Bahasa, walked up behind me and inadvertently startled me with a very sudden “Pagi bu!” I apologized because that’s what you do in Java even when whatever it is is not your fault but somehow Ibu Yani could tell that something was amiss. As Kirk fussed with the motorcycle, she put her arm around my back and began rubbing my shoulder. It was such a quiet gesture, I didn’t even notice it at first. But gradually I became aware of her touch and was struck by the gentleness of it. I nearly started to cry. Here was a woman from half way around the world, a devout Muslim (and not of the Ibu Viva variety) who frankly owes us nothing. She sells us gas and delivers our drinking water but she also makes certain that we are included in all of the neighborhood gatherings and always, always corrects my pronunciation. We have little in common. She will live in the back of her shop for the rest of her life and I will go home in a month and there, my life will be infinitely easier than she can ever imagine. And yet, in that moment, she had the grace to be not a shopkeeper or a Muslim or even an Indonesian, but a neighbor and a friend. And for that I am very grateful.

I don’t know what I will bring home with me from this experience (with the exception of about $500 worth of really cool batik). But what I do know is that our lives have been changed. And I hope that whatever it is that we have learned this year, we can hold onto it, that we can take a little bit of Indonesia with us and that it might blossom in Montana, despite the cold and the committee meetings.

Best Parent/Teacher Exchange of the Year

American Indignant

            I have been trying to understand the visceral way I reacted to last Tuesday night’s meeting with my landlady for about three days now. Over-reacted, I now think, though I was correct in the assumptions that drove my over-reaction.

            Though we never agreed to this when we entered the verbal agreement with our landlady, and though we have learned that it is not standard practice, Laura and I agreed with our landlady previously that we would pay for minor work on the house – mostly painting, because our children appear to enjoy rubbing their dirty hands and feet all over every wall in the house. We did so because it seemed the right thing to do, and because we knew that it wouldn’t be very expensive, given the price of labor in Indonesia (which runs about $5.50 a day for skilled work). Our landlady came over on Tuesday to discuss this with us.

            I haven’t written about our landlady, whom I will refer to by the name Ibu Ibu (that is what we called her when we didn’t know her name after we first moved here). She is the mother of one of my colleagues (a colleague I like very much) and the house we rented was the only house we were shown, taken here by the dean of the faculty on our first day in Salatiga. We ended up making an agreement to rent the house, convinced by the dean that the price was reasonable and that it would be difficult to find another house, even though the house was far too big for us. Even so, and even given the fact that we have since discovered it was rather over-priced, we have been happy in the house. (Over-priced here for rent is still so absurdly much lower than rent in the United States that it’s not worth complaining about.)  Later, Ibu Ibu wanted us to pay in rupiah instead of dollars (we’d agreed to pay in dollars), which would have added about $450 to the initial agreement, but we paid in dollars as we’d agreed (but not with new, unfolded $100 bills as she initially requested, as though I had stacks of Benjis handy in my desk upstairs).

            Anyway, it has become clear to us that Ibu Ibu is, first and foremost, a business person, which I cannot begrudge, and that she is making a fair, nice, if higher than necessary profit off of us for the house (which I also do not begrudge, honestly, though I did for a few days last September when I came to understand the price [which I came to understand because no one feels any compunction in Indonesia, on first meeting you, to ask you a question like, “How much are you paying for your house?”]). So perhaps I should not have been surprised when Tuesday evening, she said, after frowning about the walls and how damaged they were in the children’s room from the tape the kids had used to hang stuff up with, that we would pay $700 for painting. (I misheard her initially – hearing “dua” somehow instead of “tujuh” – as saying $200, which I thought seemed a little too expensive but which I immediately agreed to.) When I reacted to her number with the appropriate shock, she quickly lowered it to $500, which is still absurd (I direct you to the earlier figure of $5.50 per day for skilled labor; imagining, liberally, $100 for the cost of paint, she was budgeting for around 100 days of labor to paint the walls, perhaps about 70 at the $500 price).

            Of course I said we would not pay this price, and she agreed to come back later with her daughter, my colleague, so that we could have this conversation more directly (her granddaughter, who speaks fine but not fluent English, was there to help, and my Indonesian is fine, but far from fluent – still, I felt as though we understood each other pretty well). But the more I reflected on it, the more angry I became, because this was obviously seen by her as an opportunity to make an outrageous profit off what I had assumed would be just a simple payment for labor and supplies, one made in goodwill for the minor repairs to the house.

            It was in that spirit of anger and annoyance that I reacted a day later, Wednesday, sending an angry email to her daughter (who has been our main contact about the house since we arrived, because Ibu Ibu does not speak English) and to the dean. To her daughter I withdrew the offer to pay for damages, because the spirit of the offer had been wholly violated, and I made it clear how annoyed I was, and cancelled the meeting with Ibu Ibu. To the dean I wrote a letter complaining about the process of helping us find housing and suggested (stupidly, stupidly, so stupidly I hesitate to write a blog entry about it) that I would recommend that Fulbright not send scholars to this University anymore. By Friday, I had come to regret that, and before he even replied, I sent a letter withdrawing that, saying instead that I had some concerns about the process that I wanted to discuss with him before I wrote my final report to Fulbright. (I have been happy at this University, and this situation does not require such animus, frankly.) I was stupider in further exchanges with her daughter, suggesting that the process of finding us housing had been dishonest and somewhat nepotistic, and I know now that I offended her and, worse, hurt her feelings, because she has been kind to me. I also don’t think it’s fair, what I wrote. I have apologized to her as well, but I am not sure whether it is too late, and perhaps went too far already.

Some people have seen me react in this fashion before (hi, Linda) but it’s not my best feature, I admit. I have come to see it as partly a personal characteristic, but here I’ve also understood it as cultural too, what I have referred to in earlier entries as “American indignant.” I remain angry – now less than angry, just annoyed and irritated – by Ibu Ibu, because there is no doubt to me that her price is not even close to realistic, but I wish I had handled it far differently. Chances are we still won’t pay anything – if we do, I will demand, now, an itemized list carefully detailing each charge, and I may also get an estimate myself. All of this is reasonable under the circumstances.

Alas, I wish there a moral to this story. Perhaps it is like a Vietnamese fable, which a Vietnamese student in Seattle once told me doesn’t have a moral to it (I don’t know whether this is true, but I do prefer fables without morals). Perhaps I refrain from typing a moral here because the moral is so obviously very narrow and pointing only to me. In any case, it has been a darker moment for me here, a sad turn of events that I wish I could replay. I could have done the “American indignant” thing, I think, just in more directed and more fair fashion. 

Daily Life

for Chris

6:00 Alarm goes off. It’s already bright. One of the funny things about living on the equator is the light does not change from season to season. The sun comes up at 6:00 and the sun goes down at 6:00. Every day. That was an adjustment. You can’t mark the year by the light. I didn’t realize how much I was accustomed to that. While 6:00 for me is ungodly early, it is well into the day for many Indonesians. Morning call to prayer starts at about 4:30. Then the roosters get going. Most Indonesian kids start school at 7:00 am so they are up and around early and the motorcycles start buzzing. And you have the hawkers. They are out early as well so that they can beat the heat of the day/or the rain depending on the season. There are the regular hawkers, the vegetable guy and the orange lady, who walk up and down the streets with unimaginably large loads of goods. Then there are the carts. These include the bread cart, the mie ayam cart, the ice cream cart, the bakso cart, etc. Some are fixed on motor bikes but most are pushed by hand and every type of thing has its own call so that if you hear a yelp, it is vegetable guy, the bell is for bakso, the repeated whack on the wooden thing is noodles, and the callaliope music is for Swiss Bakery. How they decide on this I have no idea but it is pretty much city-wide and with everything else going on it makes for a very noisy morning.

The kids don’t have to be to school until 7:40 but we have to start getting them up early if there is any chance of them getting there on time. We have two showers but only enough power for one water heater so if both kids get in the shower at the same time, or you have too many lights on or try to make toast while someone is in the shower, it blows the fuse. So mornings are a little bit of a juggling act. Breakfast is usually toast and eggs. Cereal exists but comes only in two varieties, cornflakes and super sugar chocolate bombs. I did find a box of granola once at a store in Semerang but it was $9 so I didn’t buy it. Most everything comes with gobs and gobs of sugar in it. But, we are making due. Graham has gotten really into cooking this year and makes a pretty decent fried rice (nasi goreng) so he will do that now and again but he’s still working on the clean-up end of things.

7:15 The Selzer kids walk by the front window. They are like a human snooze button – when we see them, it means the kids have to move their butts, find socks, collect their homework and get to school. School is only a 5 minute walk but mine are pushing it every day to get there on time.

7:30 I take a shower and try to figure out what I am going to do that day. Several days of the week this means shopping. I have to go more than once because there is only so much you can carry on the back of a motorcycle or on the ankota. Those are the city busses. They are pale blue and are about the size of a Ford Econoline van with the seats ripped out. At rush hour, there can be up to 25 people smushed in the back. But during the day they are pretty empty. Besides the carrying limitations, we have no storage space here and frankly, I don’t know what you’d store that wouldn’t be rusty, rotten or moldy by the time you used it.
I have got the shopping thing down to a science now although it took me a while. Get off the bus at Raymayana, the department store, stop at the fruit lady for fruit. There is one that I always go to. I don’t bargain with her although I probably should. Frankly, I feel a little ridiculous arguing over a 40 cent mango. Sure, maybe I could get it for 30 cents, and I know it’s part of the game, but I still feel ridiculous so I just pay what she asks and she always gives me really good fruit. Down the street to Ada Baru for coffee, tea, and dry goods, to the pasar for vegetables, and pass Wonder Bakery on the way home for bread. Start to finish takes 2, 2 ½ hours although I am known to get distracted along the way. Love the flower lady, the snack shop, and there are these household good shops that are the Indonesian equivalent to Target I guess, lots of cool cooking utensils, strange tools, batik. I can waste a lot of time there.

Ibu Kasum does most of the shopping for dinners. She is our pembantu. Pembantu is the Indonesian word for ‘helper’ which is really pretty absurd because the pembantus do pretty much all the work in people’s homes. They should be called ‘doers’ but that would leave the mistress of the home with no identity whatsoever so ‘helper’ it is. In addition to shopping for dinners, she does all the cleaning and the laundry. She usually cooks one big meal per day, some of which she brings up to the boys for lunch and the rest we will eat for dinner with whatever else I have. Her specialty is chicken and rice. I will augment it with a vegetable or salad of some sort. Seamus and Graham would argue that ‘specialty’ is a stretch since that’s all she cooks. But it is GOOD chicken and rice and I am grateful to here for making it because I sure as hell couldn’t.

Cooking here is a challenge. My kitchen is about 10-square feet with a tiny table on which we have all of our dry goods stored and dishes stacked so work space is non-existent. The stove is a two-burner propane stovetop with two settings: barely warm and good-bye eye-lashes furnace blasting hot. Because it is constructed for Javanese, the stove top comes to my knees. And shopping is tough. Western ingredients are hard to come by although I am getting pretty good at making things that taste familiar out of Indonesian ingredients. Shopping for meat poses particular challenges. Meat is sold in the pasar on the second floor and it is hard to miss because when you enter the second floor you see rows upon rows of carcasses hanging from hooks. Now I’m not usually squeamish, but the butcher shop area at the pasar gets me every time, especially if it’s hot and later in the day. Note to the wise, if you are homesick at all, do not go the the pasar after 11:00 on a warm day. And my Indonesian is still pretty rudimentary. Negotiating and describing meat cuts with Javanese ladies at the pasar is definitely pushing my linguistic envelope.

11:45 That brings us to about lunch time. Ibu Kasum brings the boys their lunch at school in these cute little divided containers. All of the pembantus in the neighborhood do this and you can tell when it is 11:45 because you begin to hear the jingling of gates and one by one this parade of pembantus start walking up the street towards school with their baskets of goodies. Its social hour for most of the pembantus and they chatter on in Javanese while they amble up to school. One of my favorite parts of the day.

Filling the days was a bit easier before Spring Break. Kirk and I were taking language classes three times a week with the incomparable Ibu Frances. Ibu Frances is from Ambon and runs the Language Training Center on campus. She is young, beautiful, amazingly bright and a great instructor. Unfortunately, since spring break our schedules have not meshed well so we have pretty much abandoned our classes. Kirk is still doing workshops, etc. at the University which keep him busy but I have struggled to find opportunities for me here. Volunteer gigs have not worked out well and socially, Salatiga is hard.

Part of it is the language thing. Many people speak rudimentary English but my bahasa really sucks. It’s hard to figure a way in when you can’t really talk. That is tough. Most of it though, is cultural. The non-profit sector here is about as different from the one in the US as, well, as everything else. Why I did not anticipate that, I’m not sure. I did try to get my foot in the door of a couple of non-profits but to no avail. Part of it is the way they work here is so dramatically different than the way we work in the -US, I couldn’t get traction. I literally could not recognize where to insert myself. 20 years of experience in non-profits and I could not figure out what to do with these guys. I think there is a really interesting dissertation in here but I’m not in the place to do it. The people I did manage to connect with wanted one of two things: English lessons or money.

While I speak very good English, I am not a teacher of English. This doesn’t seem to bother anyone. I agreed to sit in on a number of conversation classes at the University but don’t know that I was much help. Regardless of how clear I was in my intention, each time I entered a new classroom, the instructor would ask what I wished to lecture on. When I replied that I was happy to assist in whatever way they needed me but was not a teacher of English and hence did not lecture on the subject, polite exasperation is how I would describe the response. In the classes in which I did participate, l served as a cultural ambassador of sorts answering questions like: In America, everyone is rich, ya? Why do you force people to leave home when they finish high school? and my personal favorite reoccurring theme, Is it true that in America all the people have the free sex?

As for the money end of things, well that was just as baffling. Philanthropy, understandably, does not exist here in the same way in which it does in the states. Most foundations appear to be covers for incredibly wealthy movie stars or corrupt politicians. Actual funding for non-profit organizations comes mostly through international aid organizations and embassies of which I have no understanding whatsoever despite my best efforts. And since I could barely understand how most of these organizations functioned on a daily basis anyway, it made helping to create a pitch pretty tough. Early on I was asked to do a workshop on fundraising for a group of artists which I gladly did. (I did confess upfront that my only experience was in American non-profits and had not been in Indonesia long enough to understand how much of it would transfer.) My audience was very polite and asked some thoughtful questions but I could tell that something was amiss. Only later did I realize just how ridiculous I must have sounded talking about things like transparency and sound management when corruption is so rampant that the president’s own mother is in jail for it!

Social structures as well are difficult to negotiate. Javanese socialize in very different ways. First off, most of them work pretty dang hard so hanging around drinking coffee or leisurely walks are pretty much out of the question. They also (generally) live in pretty tight quarters, often with multiple generations. I think the need for socialization is often covered before they leave the house in the morning. And cross-gender socializing is nearly unheard of. That is not to say that the Javanese are not social because they very much are but most of the socializing occurs and neighborhood meetings (where they are don’t even speak Indonesian – they speak Javanese) and special events, weddings, funerals, circumcisions and the like. You’d never casually ask a Javanese family over for a potluck. They wouldn’t know what to do with you.

And then, or course, we have the cultural challenges of the kid’s school. I assumed this would be a good place to meet people as I have spent many an hour in the kid’s classroom in Bozeman. And while I have made some very nice friends at the school, it would be a stretch to say that we have been embraced by the community. I have spent an hour in the classroom each week which I have enjoyed but that’s about it. Outside the classroom is not much different. At first, the paranoid in me thought that it was because we were the ‘non-believer’ family on campus but as time has passed I think the reason is far less nefarious. Most of the families are on the same tract as it were. They go to the same language school, go to church together, the women attend the same bible studies, etc. They are here for the same reason – it is a missionary school after all. And socializing naturally happens in and around those activities. Since we don’t participate in these activities, we don’t socialize with them. Which maybe is OK in the long run, but I still find it weird.

I don’t mean to make everything sound completely dire. I have made some very nice friends who I am really enjoying. Ibu Maria is the Indonesian teacher at the kid’s school. She and her family have become good friends. Rebecca is an activist and volunteer from Australia which whom I have become close. She is married to a Javanese man and has, in all likelihood, the cutest baby on the planet. Laura, the principal of the elementary school is my walk buddy. She is from Boise and has a very western sensibility. Ginger another mom from the school is a great partner for adventuring. She and her husband are leaving Indonesia after many years with there 3 kids and she’s trying to cram in as much as she can. She also has flawless Indonesian making her a terrific partner in crime.

But that said, I have been homesick a lot. I miss Montana. I miss my house and my dog and my garden and dry air and cold. Mostly I have missed being a part of a community. I have missed having a place and something to do. I have not been able to find that here. I have been able to fill up the days. I have done lots of reading, some good writing. I have bought lots of batik. Taken some great photos. But it is different. I am not and never have been a very good person of leisure. If I had to do it again, would I? Of course, in a minute. The kids have learned a ton, it has brought us closer as a family, I have seen and experiences things that before this trip were completely beyond my imagination. But if I were to do this again, I would approach it very differently.

3:00 The kids get out of school and it is the familiar routine of swim practice, soccer practice, homework, dinner, etc. We did not buy a television but don’t seem to have difficulty finding ways to pass the time and our lovely neighbor Ibu Retno is very generous with hers. So Seamus has been able to keep up on American Idol and yes, I did watch the royal wedding.

On the weekends, we try to leave town, both to see more Java but also because, as noted before, there is not much to do here. Semerang is a favorite day trip, boasting several malls and an American movie theater. Yogya in the other direction is a favorite as well. A bigger city with several universities, it has a really cool vibe, lots or great art and fun shopping. We can always seem to fill up a weekend in Yogya. I think the hardest adjustment next year is going to sitting still. We have had the kids on the move so much, trying to pack in as much Indonesian culture and territory as possible, they both are a little lost when there is not a clear agenda. It will be interesting to see how that works itself out.

RIP National Writing Project

An off-topic post - please forgive the digression:
     I would be remiss if I didn't write something about the demise of the National Writing Project as a result of the recent budget feud in DC, gone because, apparently, it was identified as a earmark. If you're not familiar with the National Writing Project, it is (was), as far as I can tell, the most successful professional educational professional development program in the United States, a grassroots organization that focused on helping teachers become writers, in collaboration with other teachers and writers, and improving the teaching of writing in schools at all levels. In my program, the Yellowstone Writing Projet at MSU (which still exists, and will still exist, somehow, as an independent site, along with hundreds of independent sites across the country now cut loose from federal support) we worked with 20 teachers a year in a month long workshop that emphasized teacher's professional knowledge and capacity, with the belief that teachers who teach writing must be writers themselves, and that people who run the professional development workshops teachers are required (usually with great reluctance) to attend should be teachers themselves.
       The National Writing Project helped over 200 sites around the country run these sorts of workshops, and has for over 35 years, which means that it has worked with thousands of teachers and helped create one of the best professional programs going in education presently, a coalition of teachers, from first grade to university, who have learned to talk about writing and teaching in ways that improve both, a human organization that puts teachers and students at the center of education (imagine that! instead of tests and publishing companies - radical idea, I know). After these workshops, the teachers actually go into their schools and districts and do the professional development themselves, and sites offer continued support in helping teachers do that better.
       I've worked in a lot of institutions as a teacher, and the only one where I felt like I never had to make a compromise as a teacher and as a professional was with the National Writing Project. I bought in wholly to their ideas and their organization, because they start with faith, faith in the teachers who work in our schools. Most education reform initiatives start instead with anxiety and despair about the teachers, and they become ways to legislate against that anxiety, quantitative measurements that demonstrate teacher effectiveness. They don't work, but they look like they work. (It is the educational reform version of the Indonesian "false tap.")
       I cried when I learned they'd killed this, grieved openly. It is a stupid decision. Somehow, the NWP made some list of government waste, because they claimed that it didn't have proof that it worked. I wish they had talked to one, or two, or 2,000 teachers who had been through the program, had visited their classrooms, had seen the difference it makes when teachers are taken seriously as professionals who know what they are doing and who want to do it better. The best work I have ever done as a professional is with the NWP, and while I am committed, with my fellow director Lisa Eckert, to continue the work in some amended fashion, I miss the National Writing Project already, I miss its spirit of faith and hope in education, as I watch the false taps proliferate across the educational landscape.
      Most of all, what NWP was for me was the most incredible network of people, wonderful, creative, and unorthodox people who just like teaching and writing. All those people are still there, and they all feel like I do, I suspect. So something will rise from this. But it doesn't look like it will be the National Writing Project, and if you care about the future of education in the United States, and sustainable educational reform, you should pay attention to this decision: it does not bode well for our schools.